If you read just one thing today…

…let it be Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf’s – the former Iraqi information minister – purported guest column in today’s Guardian. Today’s column, titled Ken burns in hell – I triple guarantee you! deals with important world issues such as the introduction of the congestion charge, the effects of Gordon Brown’s budget on Labour chances in the May local elections and the state of Jude Law and Sadie Frost’s relationship. A sample:

If you see just one film before the end of the world, ensure that it is Johnny English, a new and extremely hilarious examination of the stupidity of western imperialist intelligence-gathering, starring Mr Bean. Do not believe the lies of those in the media who will tell you that the incompetence of British agents as portrayed in this film is not amusing. This is merely propaganda based on embarrassment and a failure to comprehend the genius of Bean. My feelings? Were it not for the imminent destruction of the United States of America, this film would annihilate all others in its bid to receive an Oscar for Bean. Compared with it, every movie on release stinks of death. It is simply a masterpiece. I can prove this.

The first of April came to the Guardian ten days too late.

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