Dealing with fussy eaters

As some of you may or may not know, and I are getting married at the end of the year (one month to go – gulp!). We’re currently trying to finalise the catering, but although we tried our best to provide for all tastes and requirements in the menu choices (ie. catering for the wheat-intolerant vegan and the Atkins diet follower), we’ve still hit a few snags.

It is unsurprising that the following pre-dinner party questionnaire (seen on Jenn Manley Lee’s website – read her comic) struck a chord with me…

WHAT YOU EAT

Choose only one of the below:

  • Omnivore (eat damn near anything or the-world-is-made-of-food)
  • Carnivore (eat meat only)
  • Herbivore/Vegan (eat plants only)
  • Piscivore (eat fish only)
  • Vegetarian (Limited Omnivore or a-herbivore-that-likes-dairy)

POLITICAL DIET LIMITATIONS

Choose as many that apply:

  • Will eat GMO’s (If you know what GMO stands for, you know whether or not you eat them. If you don’t know, don’t worry about it.)
  • List all foods currently boycotting (Be brand specific if necessary. Use
    separate sheet if needed. Don’t list why.)
  • Eat only Organic Foods (If the word “organic” doesn’t invoke an instant
    definition then don’t worry about it.)

DIET LIMITATIONS

Intolerances and Allergies. (i.e. Lactose, gluten, peanuts)

List everything. Start with those things that could kill you. For just plain picky people this is a good area to list those foods you flat out just don’t like. If you are a recovering Alcoholic and can’t have alcohol even in your
food please list. Write on back if necessary.

Religious or fasting:

  • Are you a practicing Catholic?
  • Does the date fall during Lent?
  • Practicing Jew?
  • Do you eat pork?
  • Are you fasting for any reason?
  • Islamic?
  • Does the date fall during Ramadan?

Please write in any religious food restrictions not listed above.

ETHIC FOODS

Circle those you don’t want. Put stars by the ones you love. Ones with stars or left not circled need to have a an “AM” after them signifying Americanized or an “AU” signifying Authentic.

  • Mexican
  • Japanese
  • Chinese
  • Moroccan
  • Ethiopian
  • Italian
  • Soul Food
  • German
  • Spanish
  • French
  • Russian
  • Greek
  • Thai
  • Astronaut
  • Tex-Mex
  • Cajun
  • East Indian
  • Mediterranean
  • White Trash
  • California Fusion
  • Other____________

ON A DIET

Circle all that apply:

  • Atkins
  • Caveman
  • Low Carb.
  • High Carb.
  • Yo-yo
  • SeeFood
  • High Protein
  • No Protein
  • Meat only
  • Deal-a-meal (bring your own cards)
  • Calorie Counting
  • Other_____________

GUESTS

Choose one only:

  • I like to eat alone.
  • I don’t like assholes or bitches.
  • I think assholes and bitches are just misunderstood little kids in grown up
    bodies.
  • I don’t mind eating with groups of people as long as there are no surprise
    guests that I haven’t been notified of.
  • I like kids.
  • I like kids but not while I’m trying to eat.
  • I don’t like kids.
  • I like people who talk constantly.
  • I like quite, shy people.
  • I’ll bring someone.

ATMOSPHERE

  • Do you like to dress up?
  • Do you hate to dress up?
  • Does it really bother you to dress up and then end up watching Will and
    Grace while drinking coffee at 8 o’clock at night?
  • Does it bother you to wear sweats and end up drinking a hundred dollar
    bottle of wine while discussing the finer points of Post-Modernism with a
    renowned author?
  • Do you have a hard time seeing in low light?

List all music you prefer not to hear or that you will make fun of.

THE DATE

Choose one:

  • A date cemented in stone.
  • A flexible date, penciled in and subject to change by the slightest whim or
    fancy.
  • A date of your choosing.
  • A date of my choosing.
  • A suggestion that you can mull over and not get back to me until that
    morning.

GIFTS

Please specify what makes you feel most comfortable:

  • Should I ask you to bring something?
  • If so, would you like it to be something you can buy at the store?
  • Do you not like bringing something?
  • Do you feel pressured to show up with a $15.00 bottle of wine?
  • Do you like to cook and want at least one thing on the table you know you
    can eat?

Thanks for taking the time. This will help make the evening enjoyable
for everyone.

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